viva viriditas, or, poem for epiphany

viva viriditas, or, poem for epiphany

August 31, 2021

perhaps it is i, not the garden, who has been asleep

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Anatomy of Worry: As Narrative, As Magic

Anatomy of Worry: As Narrative, As Magic

June 22, 2021

I transform any unexpected tragedy, with worry, into the expected. I sap its narrative potential.

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Fatal Gaze

Fatal Gaze

May 25, 2021

 I have learned that in order to “fall” in love, I must be ready to no longer live in the perfect balance of self-absorption in which falling does not include the outcomes of actual failing.

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The Language of Longing

The Language of Longing

May 04, 2021

When I first learn Hebrew at Temple Beth Abraham Sunday school in Oakland, California circa ‘73, we memorize basic words, including ice cream—glida—which I mistake for God, both hard G’s and stressed D’s.

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In Living Color

In Living Color

March 23, 2021

That February begins with Groundhog’s Day seems like a cruel joke.

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Papa's Tallit - Ruminate Magazine

Papa's Tallit

February 20, 2021

It was also a good thing I had no idea what Papa was saying because every morning he thanked God he was not born a woman.

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for the love of lowly things (for Mary) - Ruminate Magazine

for the love of lowly things (for Mary)

December 15, 2020

In December, it is the season of Advent in the church calendar, and in the sanctuary, large-scale artwork of a pregnant belly adorns the stage. I wonder at the quiet fury and joy of Mary, her declaration in the Magnificat that God has “filled the hungry and sent the rich away empty.”

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Not Always the Hero - Ruminate Magazine

Not Always the Hero

November 03, 2020

It is difficult to realize that someone you respect and care for understands you and people that look like you as self-centered and reactionary because you demand inalienable rights.

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Chalisa (or Hanuman Knows All About it) - Ruminate Magazine

Chalisa (or Hanuman Knows All About it)

October 06, 2020

I tell myself Hanuman knows all about this sickness, that he wants me hear it that way, to pray for an end to this scourge.

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Trumpet Joy - Ruminate Magazine

Trumpet Joy

August 18, 2020

Now, if it’s cold or raining, my son opens his bedroom window and points his horn outward to make certain Mr. Wei can hear.

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Sign of the Times - Ruminate Magazine

Sign of the Times

July 21, 2020

Openings are one part mystery, one part miracle. Who’s to say when they will occur, or what will result. 

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On bee-ing free: racial justice, surviving apocalypse, and paying attention - Ruminate Magazine

On bee-ing free: racial justice, surviving apocalypse, and paying attention

July 15, 2020

White supremacy doesn’t just uphold police brutality and mass incarceration, migrant detention and colonial extraction on Native land; it’s death-dealing and ordinary and wants to last forever.

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To Remember A Stranger - Ruminate Magazine

To Remember A Stranger

July 13, 2020

The more people I have met, the closer I have been to suffering. Many times, this makes me want to not meet more people, and, in fact, un-meet people, like a girl in a video I resent having seen or a boy in a gas station at which I didn’t have to stop.

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Writer's Habits: The Importance of Non-Writing Writing - Ruminate Magazine

Writer's Habits: The Importance of Non-Writing Writing

July 10, 2020

...if you saw me by the side of the road, perhaps taking a photo with my phone of some wild grapes, you wouldn’t think I’m writing, but I am—more non-writing writing.

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On bee-ing free: racial justice, surviving apocalypse, and paying attention - Ruminate Magazine

On bee-ing free: racial justice, surviving apocalypse, and paying attention

June 25, 2020

White supremacy doesn’t just uphold police brutality and mass incarceration, migrant detention and colonial extraction on Native land; it’s death-dealing and ordinary and wants to last forever.

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Self-Deception in the #PublishingPaidMe Marketplace - Ruminate Magazine

Self-Deception in the #PublishingPaidMe Marketplace

June 18, 2020

If I think too much about the racial inequalities in the publishing industry, it might push me to the point where I stop writing.

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A Scream - Ruminate Magazine

A Scream

June 11, 2020

It seems insidiously cruel that we don’t get to be asymptomatic carriers for the prejudice and hatred that others infect us with.

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A Quiet Truth - Ruminate Magazine

A Quiet Truth

June 05, 2020

In America they kill their children. Someone thinks this of us. It may be true. If we are brave enough to see and accept that it is, what will we do about it?

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On Constructive Anger - Ruminate Magazine

On Constructive Anger

June 04, 2020

Being Black and being a woman, I have a complicated relationship with anger. Sometimes I am reluctant to show anger, irritation, or frustration for fear of being labeled an “Angry Black Woman”...Unfortunately, I am frequently angry when existing in most spaces.

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A Moment for Communal Listening - Ruminate Magazine

A Moment for Communal Listening

June 04, 2020

In an effort to come to terms with the voices that we have ignored or silenced as a nation, we will be taking a week to listen and honor the Black voices within our creative community. 

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Out of the Wildflowers - Ruminate Magazine

Out of the Wildflowers

May 28, 2020

And the wildflowers. The wildflowers pushing against all odds, against this endlessly small room, this seed encasing the pivotal word: might. They come. They are mighty.

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This is the Day - Ruminate Magazine

This is the Day

May 07, 2020

All we’ve ever had is this day with its daylily moments—bright, crisp, delectable. Shriveled by the next morning. As my hair grays and my bones grow fragile, life feels more and more like those time-lapse nature films we watched in grade school. As the pandemic arrived, someone sped up the projector. Sunrise, sunset. Moments quick as a hummingbird’s heart.

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Postpartum Balding in the Time of the Pandemic - Ruminate Magazine

Postpartum Balding in the Time of the Pandemic

May 05, 2020

Every day I read about the spread of corona, concentric circles that keep edging closer and closer to my world. And the economic ruin it's triggered. Climate change. The election. Meanwhile, a bald patch forms at my temple. I cut my hair into a bob and wear it down every day to cover it. 

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Social Distance, Then and Now - Ruminate Magazine

Social Distance, Then and Now

April 30, 2020

In those months, months of northern winter when my husband took the car to work and I existed alone with a baby in the American suburbs, the sheer brutality of our way of life rained down on me and showed me that I had not, before, understood.

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Feathered Hope - Ruminate Magazine

Feathered Hope

April 23, 2020

Are bird songs only a matter of mating propositions and territorial disputes? Or might the Carolina wren tell bawdy jokes? Does the tufted titmouse have political aspirations? Is the mourning dove actually a comedian?

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Atonement - Ruminate Magazine

Atonement

April 21, 2020

Finding myself in a seven-year-old world of hurt, I hastily replaced the garbage can’s lid, kicked off my skates, clutched them to my chest, and sprinted through the Pauls’ and Toners’ grassy front yards to the quiet haven of my own room.

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My Year as Beloved - Ruminate Magazine

My Year as Beloved

April 16, 2020

I lost another friendship due to the devastating effects of alcoholism, the second friendship I lost to the disease last year. Intellectually, I understand her reasons for abandoning the friendship— she was stuck between choosing her alcoholic lover or a friend. I know deeply what it is like to confuse love with pain, choosing iron shackles of loyalty over goodness and growth for one’s soul.

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Ordinary

Ordinary

April 09, 2020

I, too, crave the ordinary. I desire the familiar comforts of a beautiful home, a healthy family, steady income, and fulfilling work. It’s so easy to shut out noise around me – the evils that haunt me – the challenges that face my world, my country, my neighborhood.

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Awaiting Further Instruction: A Letter to Virginia Woolf

Awaiting Further Instruction: A Letter to Virginia Woolf

April 07, 2020

Dear Virginia, I’m writing with some wonderful news.  I’ve done it!  I have secured a room of my own: a third floor home office in which resides a perfectly adequate writing desk, yellow flowered armchair ideal for reading, and windows overlooking my backyard.  As per your wise suggestion, it is even possible to lock the door.

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On Transitions

On Transitions

March 31, 2020

To end, I will not offer any more of my own words on this transition—the small one (me leaving Ruminate) or the big one (the pandemic). Instead, I turn to the words of the regular contributors of The Waking. Collectively, their voices tell a story—one of grief, hope, and resurrection.

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Contemplative Consequences from a Decade of Singing

Contemplative Consequences from a Decade of Singing

March 24, 2020

Don't dwell on if the notes you sang were fine-tuned or not, as you can't take the notes back. A lot of plans in life fall flat, but the best that one can do is learn from it and aim to do better the next time.

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The Annunciation

The Annunciation

March 10, 2020

To DeFeo, her Annunciation wasn’t specific to Mary or Christian interpretation. It was a promise to her, in particular, a “realization of all that is good in this existence…and of certain powers creatively.” 

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How to Find Water (For Thieves)

How to Find Water (For Thieves)

March 03, 2020

Krishna is a thief. A good thief. He steals wonderful things—milk and kisses, butter too. Love, actually. That’s why he’s dark—and radiant; he tries to hide his goodness in the night.  

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Put Down the Ducky: Sesame Street Wisdom for the Age of Attachment

Put Down the Ducky: Sesame Street Wisdom for the Age of Attachment

February 20, 2020

I love my thinking mind. I have awesome thoughts; they keep me responsible, help me earn a living, form my sense of identity, entertain me. I’m scared to put them down, even for a short ten minutes.

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All Saints

All Saints

February 18, 2020

Perhaps, I might be excused for wondering, who in the hell loses their vision at 29? Answer: the same people who die at 34, who leave behind widows, who fight in wars they do not believe in, who waste away in prisons for beliefs deemed inappropriate.

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